I'm cross posting this off of DailyDiapers and my blog (lil-brad.info). any thoughts would be appreciated. Please don't critisize on my spelling, I know I'm not great at it.

its long, I removed all the non relelvant parts.. mostly.

I’ve finally decided I can’t hide the fact that I’m TG. I was hoping it was just a passing phase, but it looks like its here to stay. I had the same feelings when I was younger (12-13). I’m amazed on what was available back then (02-03) on the net. I read about SRS , hormones, etc. But the problem was, I couldn’t find any support groups online, so I figured I was just some fucked up freak. When I hit 14 I finally managed to push them out of my mind and focus on being a normal teenager.

Fifteen came and went, I finally began to understand what was going on in the messed up world in my mind, I came to terms with my AB side, and the fact that I was bisexual. Now, I’ve dated a few females in my life, and I’ve always been empty. When I was 15 I met a DL in my town, and me and him hit it great, we started “messing around” in 06 or 07 and it continued pretty much until the beginning of 08.

July of 08 I ran away from home and joined a Traveling Carnival (difference being that the Carnival doesn’t lock the animals (crew) up at night. (Carny joke)) In that 7 months I learned a lot about myself, and my acceptance of other people increased (I come from a racist family, and I don’t want to be one, GLBT, AB/DL’s and almost all fetishes are discriminated in the normal world (but what IS normal these days, I sure as hell can’t find it!)!

After I came home in October, I was a much better person, but with me being an unmedicated Bipolar person, there is a limit on how much better. I stopped beating people up, so its an improvement in my eyes.

I got home, and decided it was time to have a future, I registered for college, taking Computer Science, then I did some deep soul searching (free of drugs and alcohol), and the TG side of me came out once again, and this time I’m not going to shove it off to the side, if its stuck with me this long, its something that’s not going to disappear again, and I happen to know quite a few MTF TG’s from the web, and I know of several sites dedicated to it. Here’s to new beginnings, soul searching, and support in becoming what I really am.

and:

Am I happy with who I am? Not really no, I’m defiantly(spelling maybe) not someone who gets a double look at when walking down the street, I wear 8 dollar shorts and jeans from Wal Mart, T-shirts out of a 4 pack, and black skate shoes (or my boots depending on where I’m going). I don’t have much female clothing ATM for three reasons

1) I live with my parents, and I’m out of hiding places, I have 3 drawers full of private stuff, and I’m running out of places

2) I’m unemployed. I just picked up some new plastic diaper covers off e-bay relatively cheap (60 for 4 pairs, and 2 cloth diapers), I have 2 bra’s as well, I want to get some new clothes, but I can’t while I live at home

3) I REALLY don’t want to tell my parents, they took me being an AB and bisexual hard enough (they sent me to a shrink for 3 bloody years!) the fact that I’m born in the wrong body, Shit, I’d be back out on the street!! I know they love me, but I’ve had some serious fuck ups in my life, this would probably be number two.

If your asking the question “Have I started counseling, Hormone Replacements, or surgery. The answer is no. I have no health insurance, and I haven’t for almost a year now. But will I? Yes, probably not for a while, I love my parents to death, and they know it, but I’m waiting until I after they die before I start. Why? I don’t want them to think their a failure, which they already think they are. Sure we argue, but we love each other. Some days its just hard to show it. I know they would still love me no matter what happens,  but this would be a blow to them, bigger than everyother time I’ve fucked up in my life.

Ah, I feel a little bit better now, I’ll post more later after I get some sleep.